I recently read the first chapter of a book by Dale Carnegie titled ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’. In his first chapter he talks about the first fundamental technique in dealing with people. That technique will help you become more successful in anything you do involving people. The art of not criticizing. Why? Because we are emotional creatures. No one likes to be criticized. When someone points blame at you or tells you what you’re doing wrong it is an emotional feeling of an attack on you. What is your natural reaction when being attacked? You protect yourself and fight back. It is the same with words, when someone comes after you, you defend yourself. The best way to do this? By pointing the finger at someone else, take the blame off you and throw it at another. That is how I thought before reading this chapter and many others relating to this topic. While working on growing myself as a leader in my own life, I’ve learned that to be a leader you actually never criticize someone. In this first chapter Dale tells the story about a father finally realizing what he’s doing to his son. All day his father criticizes his son, he spilt things at breakfast, gulped down his food, elbows on the table, etc. However, at the end of the day that little boy came to his father gave him a big hug and kiss then ran off to bed. It was then this father realized instead of finding fault that he had made habit, but to encourage his son to be a boy, and not have adult expectations. What I pulled from this story is we all learn to find fault in people, to make ourselves feel better. But what I learned from Dale, along with my LIFE mentors, “God himself,sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days. why should you and I?”
So as you live your life, everyday notice the good in people. Don’t find fault in everything they do, yet lift up the good. Not only does that make them feel good, but you will also feel good.
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
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